The Marriage & Motherhood Podcast: How Self Care Is The KEY To Happy Marriages

Welcome back to another episode of the Marriage and Mother podcast! This is part two of the series "What I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Parent," designed to support aspiring and current parents with as much knowledge as possible to set them up for success.

The Realities of Self-Care

Last episode, we delved into the evolving dynamic of partnership and how to navigate those changes. Today, we'll be focusing on self-care. Self-care is vastly underrated.

At the very core of our life experiences — as women, partners, mothers, daughters, friends, business owners, or any of the myriad roles we play — self-care is pivotal. If we don't take care of ourselves, every facet of our lives can suffer. Imagine walking around with a baseline feeling of 15 on a scale from 0 to 100, where 100 is the best possible state of being. It's like living in a world where you're perpetually cranky, a lens that taints every experience negatively.

Reframing Self-Care

Just like the children's book, *Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day*, where everything is perceived negatively, self-care is the determining factor of what your filter will be. Ignore self-care, and you'll likely be irritable and resentful, snapping at your spouse or losing patience with your kids. Prioritize it, and suddenly, you find more patience and grace in everyday annoyances.

Self-care isn't just about spa days and manicures. While those are pleasant (and who wouldn’t want a weekly 90-minute massage?), they are just one form of self-care. Let's talk about the less glamorous but impactful kinds: taking care of your health, sleeping, setting boundaries—all basic needs that help you feel like yourself.

Discovering Your Individual Needs

Self-care varies from person to person. Instead of comparing yourself to others and thinking, "She looks happy; I should do what she does," take time to figure out what makes you happy, angry, sad, or frustrated. This self-awareness will guide you in identifying your needs.

I once saw a social media post that resonated deeply: "You aren't burned out because you have too much to do; you’re burned out because you’re not doing enough of what you like." 

So, what do you need? Is it uninterrupted time to get ready in the morning, to shower in peace, or time for a creative outlet? These aren’t trivial needs; they significantly impact your overall well-being and, by extension, your ability to connect with your spouse and kids.

Building Your Support System

A robust support system is essential. This includes a network outside your immediate family—think friends, siblings, parents, cousins. Regular contact with these people, whether through calls, texts, or in-person meetups, is vital.

Physical Self-Care and Its Ripple Effects

Physical activity is integral to self-care. I started walking three to four miles a day and even joined a tennis team. The impact on my mental health, focus, energy levels, and patience was remarkable. Regular exercise can contribute to better moods, higher focus, improved relationships, and even a better libido.

Taking care of yourself positively affects your interactions and relationships. You're less reactive, more self-aware, and more intentional about handling life’s ups and downs.

The Art of Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are an often misunderstood but an integral part of self-care. They are not about building walls; they're guidelines for maintaining healthy relationships. Setting boundaries ensures you interact with others in a way that respects everyone's needs, including your own.

Sustainable Self-Care Practices

Unlike temporary fixes like manicures or retail therapy, sustainable self-care practices—like setting boundaries and understanding your needs—have long-lasting effects. These practices contribute to a better quality of life and improve your interactions with others.

If you ever doubted the importance of self-care, I hope this reminds you that taking time for yourself is crucial. It generates more energy and patience, benefiting all your relationships. If planning self-care seems like a chore, ask yourself who you become when you neglect it. Chances are, the effort is well worth the transformation.

Take a moment to redefine what self-care means for you and communicate this with your partner or support system. It's a vital investment for your well-being and future self. And remember, the positive ripple effects on your relationships will be immense.

If you need further support, feel free to reach out. Together, we can explore ways to incorporate self-care into your life. Until next time, take good care of yourself and enjoy the journey of becoming the best version of yourself!