The Marriage & Motherhood Podcast: How To Get Change To Stick In Your Marriage

Breaking the Cycle: How To Create Change In Your Marriage

In this episode, I talk about that repetitive cycle where things improve for a bit, but before you know it, you're back to the same frustrations and arguments. Sound familiar?

Understanding the Cycle

First, let’s unpack why these cycles happen. Often, couples mean well and want change, but it’s like building a house on sand. You need a strong, solid foundation. Without it, trust and genuine growth can waver, leaving you both feeling burned out and stressed.

Why is this happening? Well, motivation tied to external pressures—like doing something for your spouse or kids—is often short-lived. If your partner is making changes because you asked them to, or if you’re doing it just to please them, it usually doesn’t stick. Real change comes when it's driven by an inner motivation—a desire aligned with your values and goals.

Finding Your Why

Consider why you want change in your marriage. Is it truly for your happiness and personal growth? Or are you hoping it will make someone else happy? When we shift focus from trying to change our partners to understanding and improving ourselves, it lays the groundwork for lasting transformation.

We naturally persist through challenges when we're motivated from within. When changes stem from genuine self-driven goals, they become part of who we are. That kind of consistency builds trust and lays the foundation for reliable growth in your marriage.

Signs of a Stagnant Relationship

Are you constantly arguing or feeling like your marriage is just a series of breaks between conflicts? If joy feels like a rare guest rather than a constant presence, it might be time to look inward and fortify your commitment to change.

Taking Action for Yourself

This isn’t about suddenly becoming perfect; it’s about growth. Recognize the areas where you can improve on your own terms. Focus on how you handle emotions, reactions, and communication patterns. Work on becoming the partner you aspire to be, regardless of what your spouse does.

Consistency Over Dependency

Think of it like this: stop making your growth contingent on your spouse. Be the best version of yourself because that’s who you choose to be, not because of their actions. This doesn’t mean ignoring them, but rather showing up consistently, letting them feel secure in the changes you’re making.

Building the Foundation

Imagine building with wooden blocks. Without a strong base, your efforts keep crumbling. When changes are consistent, they become the new normal, allowing you to build higher together as a couple.

Empowerment Through Self-Discovery

So, my friend, at the end of the day, improving your marriage starts with you. It enables you to navigate life confidently, whether in marriage, co-parenting, or any relationships. It's about making the decision to grow for your happiness and peace.

Are you ready to be proud of who you’re becoming? Who do you want to be, and what relationship do you desire? Acknowledge where you need to grow, and commit to that journey. You have the power to change your world, starting from within.

Remember, your growth benefits everyone around you—your family, your future self, and most importantly, you will thrive. You’ve got this!

Here are ways you can get support to help you break out of the cycle:

- Take my communication course

- Sign up for marriage coaching